I thought I’d be lost without my usual routine, the things that punctuate my day when working from home. The dog, the woods, the school run…
Instead I’m so full of ‘here’ and the endless lists of things to do that I struggle to phone home, to take my head back, which is my usual pattern when away.
Why is it different this time? Usually I try to be away for only 2-3 days at a time. There’s a pull, an undercurrent that tugs me back – heart and soul, then body.
So where is that here? Why am I not feeling the pull?
On reflection I think it’s programmed out. The lack of space in the schedule here means I have little time to stop and think, to remember. The number of people I am working with means there is always someone to meet with, speak with, eat with and so I am rarely alone. I think the pull is there but my body is numb to it – sensory overload meaning a distance created between body and mind.
Today I will find space. I will take a meal and eat alone. I will phone my children and reconnect.
And on Sunday I will go home.